careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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