Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
