dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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