So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
