"it" just moved
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
