this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
