I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
