I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
