so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
