I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
