not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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