Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
