so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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