i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
