There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
