I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
