Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
