i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
