theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
