His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
