You just made me feel so damn special
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
