I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
