Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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