I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
