He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
