i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My vagina just clenched in fear
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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