I will die if light touches me.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
