hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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