is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
