The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
