just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Alive.
So much puke
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
