Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
