The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
