Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
