butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wish I only lived at night.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
