thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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