There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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