theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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