At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
