you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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