I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
