Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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