What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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