they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
