oh god the rape fog is back!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
