broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
