I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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