And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
