If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
