closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
