38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
