They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
