His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
