There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
