I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
