Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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