I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
