Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
