I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
