This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize