if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
