I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
