u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
